Cheese Toastie Monster - Monday 27th July 2009

[Posted first on Lazylaces last year]

My second daughter, Angie has given me a sandwich toaster.
Duly buying bread, olive spread and cheese, I set about creating the perfect toasted sandwich.
Then I remembered that about 20 years had elapsed since the only time I had ever used one.
I rang Angie - no answer - so I rang my son Rik. He kindly gave me a brief recap on how to use one, then I made my raw cheese sandwiches with sliced tiny tomatoes inside, and placed them into the toaster.
It was a bit of a struggle to get the clip shut on it, but, plugged-in and closed, the lights came on and it began to steam.
With white clouds billowing from the sides, an innocent and unsuspecting moth flew just above - and dropped stone dead on the other side. Then came the sizzling. A reassuring sound at first, but growing with intensity, as if to warn me to run. I stood my ground and watched as bubbles appeared at the sides, then cheese, then the whole thing seemed to erupt like a cheese volcano. Cheese and tomato juice were gushing out of it onto the counter, and I was deeply tempted to stop the whole process by unplugging it, frantically trying to consider whether it would be easier to clean up whilst still hot (and would I burn myself in the process?) or cold.
 There seemed to be more cheese coming out than I had originally put into the sandwich, but as I wrongly reasoned that perhaps the worst was already over, I decided to keep a healthy distance until the indicator light went off.
 The only thing missing was horror film anticipation music as I stood staring at it for a moment. I tapped the clip in case it was hot, then hooked my finger under it. It burst open dramatically, bread stuck firmly to each surface, flabby parts sagging sadly at the corners, cheese filaments drawn across between them and flopping down. The only sign that tomatoes had ever been involved were small draped shreds of skin embedded in the entrails.
  It was the "Toastie Maker Cheese Monster"; a gaping mouth with crusty teeth and wry, droopy lips, cheese drool strands clinging and dribbling down the sides, with wisps of atomised tomato for added fleshyness, the whole thing standing in a lake of what was supposed to have been the filling.

Taste Test: - I ate just one. I'm not a great fan of bread. It was like unusual toast which had been threatened with the idea of cheese. Tomato was not really part of the taste equation at all.

Things I learned from this....
i) don't use fat bread.
ii) use square bread.
iii) don't put too much cheese in.
and -
iv) let the battle area cool before cleaning.